I want to share a little story. It happened just today. But sharing it will require a little vulnerability on my part. Honesty. A confession, in fact. 

Life is always about more than just ourselves.

If we really believe in God’s sovereignty and that he works all things for good, we shouldn’t need to be reminded of this. But I do need to be reminded sometimes. 

Today is my 65th birthday. Last night, I had completely forgotten about this. I only remembered that the day was all about getting dental cleanings for the nine youngest kids. Kathryn asked me at least five times yesterday if I was going with her to the dentist, and I assured her that I was. I was a little worried about promising her this because I knew it was an early morning appointment, and often early mornings are really hard for me; sometimes they are actually impossible for me to pull off. By the time I climbed into bed last night, the level of fatigue I was feeling was extreme. I knew there was no way I could make it to the dentist with the kids this morning. Scott would drive five of them in our accessible van, Ethel, but with all of the wheelchairs, he couldn’t fit the other four kids in. Someone would have to drive another car. I felt so frustrated about my weakness and limitations as I asked our daughter Raiza if she would be able to drive a carload instead of me. She agreed to do this, and I fell asleep on a pillow dampened by my tears. 

This morning, when I woke up, I was still feeling sad. I was also feeling guilty that I had let Kathryn down (she was a little tearful when I told her I wouldn’t be able to go with her), and that I had to ask Raiza to give up her morning to drive in my place. I received a couple of texts from our kids telling me happy birthday, and I was shocked to remember that it was actually today. Then so many messages began pouring in from dear Facebook friends (thank you all so, so much). But I still felt sad and tired and discouraged about not being able to do something as simple as accompany our kids to the dentist. Scott and the kids all got out of here right on time, and I began working on a little dinner prep, and helped Erin with her puppy, Archie.  

As the dentist was nearing the end of all of the kids’ appointments. Scott sent me a message and told me how moved he was by something that was happening with Raiza there at the dental office. A young Hispanic mom was at the front desk with her son who has autism. She spoke very little English, and she was so scared and worried about her son’s dental appointment and was trying her best to communicate his needs to the staff, but she was flustered and couldn’t make herself understood. Raiza overheard enough of the conversation to pick up on this mom’s stress and her deep concern for her little son. Raiza, for those who don’t know, was born in Bolivia. She is fully bilingual, having learned English very quickly as a child, but also having retained her Spanish. She has such a tender heart, and being a mom herself, is especially tuned in to relationships between moms and their children. She asked if she could help, and this mom’s relief was immediate. Raiza stayed with her and translated everything this distraught mom wanted to make sure the staff understood, and also the information the staff needed to explain to the mom and her little boy. It made all the difference in the world to this sweet, lonely, and frightened mother.

The instant I got this text from Scott, I was ashamed of myself. I had been moping around, feeling sorry for myself because of my health issues that are affecting my parenting, silently whining that I couldn’t be at the dentist with my children. Me, me, me, me. This chain of events that led to me having to stay home was about so much more than me.

Life always is about so much more than just ourselves.

The perfect timing of Raiza’s presence in that waiting room was no accident. She was there for this mom, just when this mom needed her so badly. She was the perfect person to be there. Kathryn was fine with her daddy and another older sister by her side. The other kids were all fine. And Raiza was right where she was supposed to be. I would’ve been useless in this mom’s story if I had been there. God knew this. The impact of this light bulb moment was powerful. It was like a slap in the face and a hug, both at the same time. Both of which I needed. 

God writes our stories. He writes good and beautiful stories. Even the parts that are dark and sad are part of a good and beautiful story. We often just have to wait to see that.

I cried again this morning. There was some sorrow and regret in those tears, but mostly they were tears of joy that we follow a Leader we can trust. Only he can see all of the pieces to, and people in, the story that we know nothing about. We just have to stop looking at ourselves and look to him and believe that he knows what he’s doing. 

I promised a quick update after our trip to Cleveland, so I’ll jot a note here about that, as I close. The pulmonologist did a number of tests, but they didn’t shed any light on the breathing problems or the deep, deep fatigue that is so much a part of my life. Again, I want to make it clear that I am still so much better than I was before my heart began to heal, and I am thankful for that every day. But these other issues still affect my life in so many ways, and I miss being the me I was before all of this happened last year. This doctor felt that everything seems to still support the conclusion they have all come to now that the Covid I had in February, 2023, is what caused all of this. He will continue to follow me and his hope is that these remaining issues will eventually resolve the same way the heart is, but no one knows if that will happen. If not, God is still caring for me and loving me and using me and my children in his stories. I trust his ways even if I can’t understand them. 

And I thank him for this beautiful reminder this morning. 

We will celebrate my birthday, Father’s Day, and one granddaughter’s birthday all together this coming Sunday, but my kids are showering me with love and attention today. One daughter brought me a beautiful card and these daisies. I love daisies! Another daughter has gone to buy my favorite ice cream right now, and I have been ordered to choose any movie I want for tonight. Thank you to everyone who has remembered me today, and for all of the hundreds (thousands?) of prayers over this past year. I am so thankful for every person God has brought into my life.