An update on all the things. Well, actually, only on some of the things. And I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I last posted.

There has been very little “let-up” in the pressures of life that sometimes seem to be crushing us. Kathryn’s seizure activity continues to be less stable than we would like and unpredictable. But they aren’t severe ones for now and just add to the fatigue of the daily routine, but her many moments of joy and contentment are precious gifts. We have managed to find a wonderful nurse who comes in each morning to handle her pretty extensive bowel program, and she is a dear and welcome gift to us. Kathryn loves her, and this nurse, whose name is Shannon, is such a perfect match and exudes joy as she works so hard. Kathryn has also been approved for an aide who would assist us throughout the rest of each day, but we are having tremendous struggles finding one who matches with Kathryn and our household. Mostly this is due to any possible candidates having allergies to dogs. We have fought huge battles over the past year or so to get to this point, but we know that God will bring us just the right help in His perfect time. So we keep praying and waiting. 

Some may not know that the intensity of life greatly increased in January when medical and mental health crises for my mom and my sister who were living together in AL made it clear to us that we needed to move both of them up here to facilities near our house where we could better care for them. That one little sentence doesn’t come anywhere close to communicating all that was involved in making this happen, especially with so many needs already in place here in our home. Many of you have walked this path before us, and you will understand. Their house has been on the market for months, and we haven’t had even one nibble, so we are praying that will sell soon.

My mother, who has advanced dementia, remains content and sweet and continues to be cared for so faithfully and gently at her memory care facility. They reach out to me instantly when anything seems to have changed, and they are quick to order labs and run tests whenever they can’t explain what is happening. She still struggles with frequent UTI’s, but we know that this is, sadly, a pretty normal part of this process. As I shared recently on social media, she no longer knows who I am, or who any of our kids are, but she recognizes that we are someone familiar and is filled with joy every time she sees us. She still knows who Scott is sometimes, and that makes me happy. She has always loved him so much. We have taken Erin and Kathryn to visit with her the last couple of times we dropped in, and she is so happy and peaceful just to sit and hold their hands. She loves to be kissed on the forehead and snuggled, so that is mostly what we do when we are with her. Her hearing loss is severe, and she will no longer keep hearing aids in her ears, so conversation is very hard, but she doesn’t really talk much at all now anyway. Sometimes she will wear the headphones shown in the picture with Kathryn below, and that amplifies the sound for her, which is somewhat helpful. She is currently experiencing some swelling in her hands, and even some puffiness in her face, as you can see in the picture of her with Erin that was taken yesterday, so they are running tests again today. It is such a blessing and honor to have her here now where we can walk this final journey by her side and where the kid are able to make memories with her on a regular basis. My sister is also doing well and has a number of friends and lots of activities at her assisted living facility. She is close to our home, too, and we are thankful to have them both so close now where we can help with their care, as needed. 

In this photo of my mother with me, also taken yesterday, you can see I am sporting a new accessory. Six years ago, I woke up with so much pain in my neck that I could barely breathe. Our chiropractor discovered some significant issues in the cervical vertebrae, presumably caused from a fall down a flight of stairs with Kathryn on my hip years before, although we will never know for sure if that’s what caused this issue. They told me then that I would almost certainly need surgery eventually, but that they felt they could help me buy some time with regular treatments. And that proved to be true. They got me six years of being able to function by keeping my pain at a manageable level as long as I saw them regularly and did my home exercises. Then a couple of months ago, I began to notice that those treatments no longer seemed to be helping. Over the past three weeks, the pain has increased daily and had become unbearable again. I discovered that wearing this soft cervical collar immobilizes my neck some and reduces the pain enough for me to just get through each day while we go through assessments with a neck surgeon, jump through required hoops for Medicare, and start putting together a treatment plan. My MRI showed that several vertebrae are badly out of alignment, that at least one disc is gone, some are bulging into the spinal canal, and that nerves are being pinched. Bottom line, things have continued to deteriorate over the past six years as I was told they would do, and now it’s time for less conservative steps. Thankfully, although the bulging has caused narrowing of my spinal canal, the spinal cord itself is still safe and not being compressed. Initially, they wondered if maybe it was being compressed and whether some of my loss of balance and strength (forcing me to walk with a rolling walker now) might be at least partially due to this and not wholly caused by my Post Covid illness. However, the MRI showed that is not the case, and that Long Covid is still the evil culprit that has robbed me of the ability to walk normally, in addition to many other things. I have had to give up driving now, and that was a really difficult and discouraging decision emotionally. It is also a difficult one practically as we keep trying to care for all of the kids and their needs, but I no longer felt safe driving the kids around. Scott is carrying so much these days, and I worry about him.  Prayers for him would be so appreciated as he cares for all of us. Anyway, as for the neck issues, I am required to try injections first. If this doesn’t temporarily “fix” things again, then we will start planning surgery. We are just figuring things out step by step. 

Most of the kids are doing well, and continuing to move forward with plans for their lives. We only have eleven living at home now. Three of those, Erin, Owen, and Kathryn, will be with us for the rest of our lives as we have guardianship for them. Erin spends some of her time attending classes with the Hamilton Dog Club where she and her dog, Archie, keep learning to work together. Archie tried, but failed, his Good Canine Citizenship Test because he kept getting too distracted, but they will keep working on it. He has passed a couple of obedience classes and is such a sweet boy and dear companion for Erin.

Owen is attending a day program and an art program in Hamilton for adults with cognitive disabilities, and he loves that. The county provides transportation and all costs involved, which is a great blessing. We are hoping that they will have funding to get Erin into this program next year. Ethan and Shannen are twenty now, which I can hardly believe. They are also working with our county to make plans for their futures. Shannen has decided that she wants to follow her sister, Meghan, into the field of nursing, and hopes to start school in January. Ethan isn’t sure what he wants to do, but will start with finding a job for now just to begin saving money to buy a car for himself and get the hang of working a regular job. They are both starting driver training programs and hope to have their licenses soon. Shannen is also very much a runner girl and is training for a marathon and already earning medals through an online running program she has joined. Ethan has been working a part time lawn care job for a few years and taught himself to play guitar. He loves all of the things he is learning about music and song-writing, and has managed to build quite a nice little studio for himself in his bedroom. Our youngest four are the only ones still in school, and three of these struggle quite a bit with cognitive and academic challenges. I am still homeschooling them and working with the county to find the best path forward for each. They will be doing some testing soon to better determine what these paths will look like. I am in my 35th year of homeschooling, and next year will be their (and my) final year. Thirty-six years is a really long time to homeschool, and it has been hard, but also beautiful. I can say, though, that my body is ready to cross this finish line next year, and although I will always hold such dear and fond memories of all those years with my children, I’m looking forward to hanging up that particular hat. Jaden is the very youngest of all, and thanks to a full scholarship, he is attending Liberty Bible Academy in Mason this year and thriving as a junior there. He loves it, and he is able to move at a much faster pace than I was able to make possible for him at home while still schooling his other three siblings, who are also juniors this year. But that drive from our house to Mason and back twice a day is an adjustment we are still trying to figure out while also still caring for everyone else. 

Financial challenges for daily needs, along with so many things associated with my health have changed our lives so drastically, but God keeps teaching us, bit by bit, that everything – truly everything – helps us to Him, as French Jesuit priest, Jeanne-Pierre de Caussade said way back in the eighteenth century. Our questions and our doubts, our fears and our heartbreaks, all of our praises and celebrations, and every thing that enters our lives at every moment are part of leading us into deeper and more meaningful relationships with him. We can trust Him even when He seems silent, distant, or indifferent to our cries for help. And He is always with us. He never forsakes us. I will end this post with a beloved quote from his book, Abandonment to Divine Providence.

“All creatures are living in the hand of God. The senses perceive only the action of the creature, but faith sees the divine action in all things. Faith realizes that the least moment and the smallest atom contain a portion of this mysterious action. All that is effected within us, about us, and through us involves and hides [God’s] divine action. How far above our illusions are the designs of God! We foolishly fall into snares instead of lifting our eyes and rising to the principle, the course, the origin of all — where all things bear other names and other qualities; where all is supernatural, divine, and sanctifying. We live by the things of sight and hearing, neglecting that light of faith that would safely guide us through the labyrinth of shadows and images through which we foolishly wander. In contrast, he who walks by faith seeks but God alone and all things from God. He lives in God, unheeding and rising above the figures of sense.”